There is this prevailing trend that has bothered me for quite a while. At least in the circles that I move in back home, I see that people have a penchant for hangups, rumors, drama and a lot of unnecessary emotional baggage. I used to be one of them, but I've realized that these just make life a whole lot complicated and heavy if you do not discard them.
When I was studying my bachelor's degree, I fell in "like" (or juvenile kind of love) with someone from my class. The past years, I've always carried a hope that we'd end up together in the future even if I've jilted him the first and only time that he wanted to be with me. I was hopeful for a dramatic ending, one that resembles a fairytale, "After being with other people, they still end up with each other. How nice!" NOT! I liked the drama, that even if he had a girlfriend, we'd still end up together.
I could now say with finality that I am over this fantasy, I am over the person. But, sure, I still think it's his loss not to have me in his life but we both gained so much more by being apart.
Every now and then I'd hear of some people within my circle of friends who holds grudges against each other or who thinks people hold grudges against them and gets really paranoid and anxious about the prospect of having someone hold a grudge against you. In addition, recently, I found out that someone thought I influenced someone on some statements he released, just because I was thought to hold a grudge against our institution that I used to be actively involved in. I was surely surprised and at the same time dismayed. I was not even communicating anymore with the person who released the statements.
If my Asian upbringing were to predominate, my dismay would be justified. Because these that I've just mentioned involve people way older than I am and who should know better in regulating their emotions and judgments. BUT we come from different generations and, even if we get along, they were brought up in an environment that is totally different from mine.
Even within families, I need not look far, there are issues that keep people apart. Sometimes, in simplistic terms, I ask why can't people just go along with each other? Why do people need to make rumors? Why do people need to complicate their lives with thinking about what the other person thinks about them? And why do people choose to shut up and hold grudges instead to talk with the person they have an issue with? I believe in the power of talking, of communication and in the case of people within my circle, because we are from the same culture, talking in the same language shouldn't be as hard as negotiating in English like at the UNFCCC, for example.
Humanity is really complex and we are very good in demonstrating the second law of thermodynamics. We are more likely to create disorder (if not, discord) than order. Sure, it requires a hell lot of energy to keep things in order, but easy is overrated. Growth only comes at a cost, whoever is not willing to pay this cost is doomed to "non-growth." (Remember: photosynthesis is not cheap).
I'm a firm believer that opportunities for learning and change are available throughout our whole lives. Habits are created just by doing something 21x (times) (source: hearsay) but this thought is empowering that, really, we can be whatever we want to be as long as we want to be.
This just took away 15-20 minutes away from my reading time. Enough. And, you (yes, you, from Southeast Asia), enough of those rumors. Invest your time in reading or doing something substantial!
